A children’s story by Brandon Gregory
Copyright © 2017 Brandon Gregory
“Ask me!” said the stoic pig.
“Ask how many fucks I give!”
“Just how many?” asked the cow.
“How many fucks do you give right now?”
“You must guess!” the pig proclaimed.
“That is how you play my game!”
Thoughtfully, the cow inquired:
“Is the number one or higher?”
“It is not!” the pig replied,
looking quite preoccupied.
“You don’t give a single fuck?”
Cow was looking thunderstruck.
“Not a fuck! What the hell?”
Pig was unemotional.
Since Cow wished to disagree,
she asked Pig hypothetically:
“What if Donkey starts a fight,
trampling religious rights?”
“Or Elephant comes from Uganda,
spreading mindless propaganda?”
Neither accusation stuck.
Pig just didn’t give a fuck.
Cow was filled with much chagrin,
so she chose to try again.
“What if stupid people boast,
with angry Tweets and Facebook posts?”
“Will you let them all declare
their uninformed opinions there?”
The Internet could run amok,
but Pig still didn’t give a fuck.
Cow decided one last time
to see if she could change Pig’s mind.
“If online people do discuss
matters most erroneous…”
“Will you gladly play along
when someone on the Web is wrong?”
The Internet is filled with schmucks,
so Pig still didn’t give a fuck.
Cow just didn’t understand
why Pig didn’t give a damn.
Cow gave up—she’d tried her luck.
Pig just didn’t give a fuck.