Don’t Let the Pigeon Hit the Sauce

[friendly man waving]

Hi, I’m the manager of this liquor store. I’ve got to go run some errands. Could you watch things for me until I get back? Oh, and remember:

[friendly man pointing]

Don’t let the pigeon hit the sauce!

[friendly man walks off, pigeon peeks in]

[pigeon talking]

Holy fuck, I thought he’d never leave!

[pigeon talking]

Listen, I’ll level with you. I need a drink. Like, now. Whaddaya say?

[pigeon surprised]

No? Shit!

[pigeon wide-eyed]

C’mon, man, my wife just left me and I’ve got the shakes! Help a bird out!

[pigeon frantic]

NO??! WHAT THE HELL, MAN! I NEED IT!

[pigeon looking sly]

Heeeey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s play a game. It’s called get me some fucking beer.

[pigeon frantic]

Please, man, I’m begging you!

[pigeon angry]

Well, fuck you! I guess I’ll have to take matters into my own hands!

[pigeon leaving]

[blank]

…

[pigeon looking crazy holding two bottles of wine]

HA HA! I FOUND THESE IN THE BACK ALLEY! ALREADY DRANK ONE!

[pigeon looking crazy]

YOU WANNA FIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER?

[pigeon looking crazy]

THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME? BOOZE MAKES ME FUCKING INVINCIBLE!

[pigeon looking sick]

Uhh… I don’t feel so well.

[pigeon vomits]

[pigeon passes out in his own vomit]

[pigeon on floor, friendly man walks in]

[pigeon on floor, friendly man looks perturbed]

Damnit! I gave you one job!